Love – actual love – makes us real to each other. It is as much a light as it is flame, and it calls us back to ourselves. There can’t be love where there is abuse.  There isn’t light in that darkness.  Stopping the cycle of abuse starts with understanding what love is and what love isn’t.


r/AbuseInterrupted started as my personal library after Google shuttered Google Reader, and became a project exploring vectors of abuse and power dynamics.

I wanted to stop the cycle of abuse in my own life and in my own family.

Over a decade later, and the subreddit became more than a repository of information, but a place where I worked on deconstructing the underlying elements of not only abuse and abusive systems, but of healing and restoration, and love.

This website is for the purpose of preserving and expanding this work.


Some victims of abuse are running TOWARD the things they should run away from

They have ‘so much trauma’? That means they need to heal, they do not need to be in a romantic relationship. This means therapy and time to themselves. This should be anti-attracting to you. We know we’re in a healthy place to date when this (emotional ‘need’) doesn’t hook you emotionally into wanting to caretake …

It was a realization to learn that healthy people are uncomfortable with someone who over-gives, over-functions, and over-nurtures

Healthy people distance themselves from people who do this because it makes them uncomfortable. So the over-giver is like “I have so much love to give, why doesn’t anyone want me” when a healthy person intuitively understands that that isn’t love because they know that even with someone’s consent, it is taking advantage. Relationships should …

Why moving a toddler from a (healthy) foster home back to their biological family is incredibly dangerous

A serious failing of the judicial system and child protective services, one that is completely unaddressed as far as I can tell, is the transition of a toddler from a (hopefully) supervised, functional family environment to a completely unsupervised, potentially dysfunctional family environment. A child who has grown up in the dysfunctional family environment has …


You can reach me at weave the future into the present at gmail.com