- their feelings (‘needs’/wants) always take priority
- they feel that being right is more important than anything else
- they justify their (problematic/abusive) actions because ‘they’re right’
- image management (controlling the narrative and how others see them) because of how they acted in ‘being right’
- trying to control/change your thoughts/feelings/beliefs/actions
- antagonistic relational paradigm (it’s always them v. you, you v. them, them v. others, others v. them – even if you don’t know about it until they are angry)
- inability see anything from someone else’s perspective (they don’t have to agree, but they should still be able to understand their perspective) this means they don’t have a model of other people as fully realized human beings
- they believe they have the right to punish you and/or others, and are punitive-oriented (versus growth-oriented, problem-solving oriented, boundaries-oriented, or safety-oriented)
These are all the ingredients for abuse to occur.