Sometimes it can take a while for our feelings to come back in line with reality. Victims can romanticize an abuser, and idealize them, and shifting those beliefs back to reality can take time.

Making a list of their abuse sometimes helps for when you start focusing on what was good.

Many victims also often struggle with letting go when they believe there is something special and irreplaceable about the abuser, and their fear that they will never find this combination of qualities they want in another person.

It becomes even more important for a victim to shift their attention to the abuse, and away from the abuser’s positive (or vulnerable) qualities.